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meganspoodle's Journal


(Totally pretend that says LIVEjournal.com!!!)

"Hi I'm Cassie and I'm a Christian in recovery."

I've learned to introduce myself that way over the last few weeks. It's just how people in recovery say "hello".

Over the past 5 years I've been struggling with a chemical imbalance referred to as Trichotillomania. "Trich" is an impulse control disorder which causes people to pull hair from various parts of their body. In my case, my eyelashes, eyebrows, and scalp.

For me it started in 7th grade. My onset was around the same time as most peoples'. It wasn't a big deal until I had some noticeable hair loss. People would ask me what happened to my eyelashes, and I just told them my brother did it. I had no idea what was going on with me, so I didn't really know what to tell people. "I pulled them out" would've been an honest answer, but where would I go from there? I couldn't tell them why, mainly because I didn't know why.

The shame built up and I turned to cutting. I still don't know what made me start, but it sure seemed like a nice way to deal with my pain. My dad noticed the cuts on my arms and took me into a doctor. I was referred to a therapist and was started on meds the day I met her. After some therapy and medication I was able to come out of my shell and tell one friend about my pulling and cutting and that helped me so much.

Today I can openly tell anyone that asks me about it, although no one does because I have a completely full head of hair. I can walk outside without fearing wind, and I can run around freely without any worries. I still pull from my eyelashes and eyebrows, but I'm making improvements.

I've left my abusive home to come live with my Mom and her and I are doing great. We attend support groups, church, and 12 step programs together and I'm also in therapy. I'm starting to learn to embrace my suffering, and to make the best out of everything life throws at me. Trich will be with me all my life, but hopefully it will eventually let me live a life as normal as possible.


♥ MADONNA is Love ♥

Meeting Megan Mullally was the best night of my life. She was amazing, she looked amazing, and she just IS amazing. I love her! Now for some Megan lyrics to go with that lovely picture made for me by Amy ♥

You looked like a princess the night we met
With your hair piled up high
I will never forget
And I'm drunk right now baby
But I've got to be
Or I never could tell you
What you mean to me

I loved you the first time I saw you
And I always will love you, Marie

You're the song that the trees sing when the wind blows
You're a flower; you're a river; you're a rainbow
Sometimes I'm crazy
But I guess you know
And I'm weak and I'm lazy
And I've hurt you so
And I don't listen to a word you say
And when you're in trouble, I turn away

But I love you
And I loved you the first time I saw you
And I always will love you, Marie
I loved you the first time I saw you
And I always will love you, Marie

I always will love you MEGAN! ♥